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  • Hilarious Craigslist Ad...

    I don't know if you guys have seen this yet, but here it is....

    OK, let me start off by saying this Xterra is only available for purchase by the manliest of men (or women). My friend, if it was possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five o'clock shadow, this Nissan would look like Tom Selleck. It is just that manly.

    It was never intended to drive to the mall so you can pick up that adorable shirt at Abercrombie & Fitch that you had your eye on. It wasn't meant to transport you to yoga class or Linens & Things. No, that's what your Prius is for. If that's the kind of car you're looking for, then just do us all a favor and stop reading right now. I mean it. Just stop.

    This car was engineered by 3rd degree ninja super-warriors in the highest mountains of Japan to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis. They didn't even consider superfluous nancy boy amenities like navigation systems (real men don't get lost), heated leather seats (a real man doesn't let anything warm his butt), or On Star (real men don't even know what the heck On Star is).

    No, this brute comes with the things us testosterone-fueled super action junkies need. It has a 265 HP engine to outrun the cops. It's got special blood/gore resistant upholstery. It even has a first-aid kit in the back. You know what the first aid kit has in it? A pint of whiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a hunk of leather to bite down on when you're operating on yourself. The Xterra also has an automatic transmission so if you're being chased by Libyan terrorists, you'll still be able to shoot your machine gun out the window and drive at the same time. It's saved my bacon more than once.

    It has room for you and the four hotties you picked up on the way to the gym to blast your pecs and hammer your glutes. There's a tow hitch to pull your 50 caliber anti-Taliban, self cooling machine gun. I also just put in a new windshield to replace the one that got shot out by The Man.

    My price on this bad boy is an incredibly low $12,900, but I'll entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable, I mean don't walk up and tell me you'll give me $5,000 for it. That's liable to earn you a Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered eye-jab. Would it hurt? heck yeah. Let's just say you won't be the prettiest guy at the Coldplay concert anymore.

    There's only 69,000 miles on this four-wheeled hellcat from Planet Kickass. Trust me, it will outlive you and the offspring that will carry your name. It will live on as a monument to your machismo.

    Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If it's a rugged, no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double, then contact me. I might be out hang-gliding or BASE jumping or just chilling with my ladies, but I'll get back to you. And when I do, we'll talk about a price over a nice glass of Schmidt while we listen to Johnny Cash.

    To sweeten the deal a little, I'm throwing in this pair of MC Hammer pants for the man with rippling quads that can't fit into regular pants. Yeah, you heard me. FREE MC Hammer pants.


    http://montana.craigslist.org/cto/926508578.html
    "I Have Sworn Upon the Altar of God eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man." -Thomas Jefferson

    "When plunder becomes a way of life for a group of men living together in society, they create for themselves, in the course of time, a legal system that authorizes it and a moral code that glorifies it." -Frederic Bastiat

  • #2
    That is Friggin sweet!!!!
    ~Lyon~

    Comment


    • #3
      Hell.yeah!

      I read that to my wife w/a gameshow-host voice, and she just about peed her breeches...freaking hilarious..."machismo".....lol...
      "I Have Sworn Upon the Altar of God eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man." -Thomas Jefferson

      "When plunder becomes a way of life for a group of men living together in society, they create for themselves, in the course of time, a legal system that authorizes it and a moral code that glorifies it." -Frederic Bastiat

      Comment


      • #4
        Big Saw,

        The ad was well and good, but forgot one thing:

        A real Chuck Norris stunt double doesn't need machine-assisted transportation!

        :D
        "Apocalypse is by no means inevitable." --Jim Rice.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by TheUnboundOne View Post
          Big Saw,

          The ad was well and good, but forgot one thing:

          A real Chuck Norris stunt double doesn't need machine-assisted transportation!

          :D
          Ahh, but if you delve even further, it would seem that the real Chuck Norris doesn't even need a stunt double....I think they just hire doubles so Chuck has something to eat......lol
          :D
          "I Have Sworn Upon the Altar of God eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man." -Thomas Jefferson

          "When plunder becomes a way of life for a group of men living together in society, they create for themselves, in the course of time, a legal system that authorizes it and a moral code that glorifies it." -Frederic Bastiat

          Comment


          • #6
            Big Saw,

            Which is where they get the saying: "Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits!"

            :D
            "Apocalypse is by no means inevitable." --Jim Rice.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by TheUnboundOne View Post
              Big Saw,

              Which is where they get the saying: "Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits!"

              :D
              Yeah, you don't find Chuck....Chuck finds you....
              "I Have Sworn Upon the Altar of God eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man." -Thomas Jefferson

              "When plunder becomes a way of life for a group of men living together in society, they create for themselves, in the course of time, a legal system that authorizes it and a moral code that glorifies it." -Frederic Bastiat

              Comment


              • #8
                Wtf???

                Give this guy some guns, and he'll remodel your place, clean your drains, paint the porch, and cut your hair while you serenade him with your guitar.....lmao....

                http://tulsa.craigslist.org/bar/981212155.html
                "I Have Sworn Upon the Altar of God eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man." -Thomas Jefferson

                "When plunder becomes a way of life for a group of men living together in society, they create for themselves, in the course of time, a legal system that authorizes it and a moral code that glorifies it." -Frederic Bastiat

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Big_Saw View Post
                  Give this guy some guns, and he'll remodel your place, clean your drains, paint the porch, and cut your hair while you serenade him with your guitar.....lmao....

                  http://tulsa.craigslist.org/bar/981212155.html

                  And his email address is Bigbadwulf....Come on in and cut my kids hair!
                  ~Lyon~

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Is that the one who huffs and puffs or the crossdresser?

                    Comment

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