Rant thread

[Zombie Axe]

nitehawg... that my friend, is a LITERARY MASTERPIECE! I read it and ROTF, LMAO! Wife asked, "WTF is so funny???" after readingagain aloud, we were BOTH ROTFL, laughing our arses OFF, bumping into one another:D:D:D

[nitehawg]

Blue Hair Bus Tours

O.K., I know that if I should reach those pearly gates St. Peter is going to have everyone lined up to B*tch slap me for this one.

Yesterday, the darling Mrs. & I went into town for some supplies. I had a jones for some Arby's sammiches. Pulled into the lot and checked for those tour busses and found none, GREAT! Parked and walked in and, lo and behold, there were the blue hairs. Looked outside and found that the driver had hidden the bus in another parking lot. Oh well, only about 5 in line in front of us. Well this grew as the ladies exited the restroom and joined the line in front where their spaces were saved by their buddies. O.K. still not too bad, we had finished shopping and were not in any real rush. As we waited in line listening to everybody co-ordinating thier orders so they could all share, one of them observed that they were not in McDonalds but in Arby's. The panic this caused was unbelievable, causing everyone to restructure their orders and created much confusion as to what should be ordered. Unfortunately, this was the last straw and we left without my sammiches.

Now, we fully realize that we are not too far away from joining that bus tour ourselves. We are sure that they all led good productive lives and have earned their seat on that bus. But please put something in the motor vehicle code banning bus drivers from false parking that bus. There should be something in the law requiring that establishements raise a blue flag to let others know that there is a blue hair bus group inside. On the plus side I observed that my scouting/observation skills need work. I scanned the lot, not the surrounding lots and never looked inside before entering.
RANT OFF

And Lord, if you see fit when I get there, please tell these folks why they are standing in line, who they are going to slap, and don't let the one's in the bathroom go to the front of the line.

[kenno]

Ain't life great? You got all that entertainment fer free!

[Rustyshakelford]

Another rant. By Rusty Shakelford

I have spent my life keeping out of debt. I sacrificed instant gratification for waiting for the good things.

Why do I get phone calls for other people from bill collectors? I explain to them that they have the wrong number, and they have called me a liar, accused me of covering for some guy named Paul, threatened me with litigation for "obstruction of justice" and other really nasty things.

Are these brain dead morons so stupid that they think I can be threatened? And what about those phoney names they use? Are collection agencies so desperate for employees that they actually hire people that stupid?

After 5 of these calls, I have taken to telling these idiots that I am indeed that person that they are calling about. Last call was for Darla. I told them "speaking". The line got dead for a minute and the person at the other end said Darla? Darla Johnson? I said yes, that's me. How can I help you. They then proceded to tell me about how I owed them $8300.00 bucks on a credit card that I had defaulted on, but they were authorized to take $4000.00 today if I would give them my bank account number right now. If I chose to ignore them, I would be sued, and would possibly be brought up on criminal charges.

Now, I am not a dullard, so it was time for me to have a little fun, what the heck, I was driving through the deserts of New Mexico. I made up an account number, and a bank called the Old World Prussian Bank of Baden-Baden Prussia. I said the name on the account was not mine, but was for a Rhinehardt Gruben-Gruben. I was asked to hold while this dullard attemped to access the account information I gave them.


After about 20 minutes Joe Green (the guy I was speaking with, and started calling Mean Joe Green) came back on the phone asking it this was a foreign account. I informed Mean Green that it was indeed in Prussia, and Prussia was, last time I looked at a map, in Europe, which is NOT in America. I asked him how many Euros he took out of my Prussian account, and he asked me what Euros were.

By this time, I could hardly keep driving from laughing so hard. Mean Joe said I needed to speak with his supervisor. (damn, phone was going dead, so I asked him to hold while I plugged it into the lighter). A Ms. Nina King came on the phone ( I started calling her Lorretta Scott King) She said they were having a problem with the transfer.

Again I asked her how many Euros they were trying to take out. She said that they did not take Euros, only real money. I asked her if she could take the money out in Deutsch Marks, again I got silence. She said no, they only took real money. I asked her if she had called my bank in Prussia, she said she was on the phone with them right now (What?:eek:) I then proceeded to started acting real friendly with Loretta, after all, we are both women, right? I flirted with her, and even asked her out for coffee, or a litre of Schnapps. After another 20 minutes, they said they could not contact my bank in Prussia, and that they were only getting an automated system. I asked them if they took into account that Prussia was in a different time zone, and was at least 30-45 minutes ahead of the US time. She said that that must be the problem. I told her that they only speak Prussian in Prussia, so they may need a translator when they get a hold of the bank, but I was assured by both Loretta and Mean Joe that they had a translator on staff that spoke Prussian. We ended the call. I cannot wait until they call again. This time my money will have been transferred to the Last National Bank of Britain, but they need to call and speak to them in British, because English is not spoken there. I am sure they will have someone on staff to translate.


My rant? Oh yeah. Why, dear God almighty, do they allow idiots like this to use a phone? Why the hell, when I am obviously a man, do they assume I am "Darla"? Who in their right mind does not know that Prussia no longer exists? Who does not know that Europe's currency is the Euro? Where did they find someone who speaks "Prussian", since Prussia was part of Germany, most folks know that they speak German. Who believes that the Euro is not "real" money? WHat kind of dolt believes that anywhere in Europe is only 30-45 minutes ahead in time from anywhere in the US? And who in their right minds would give these idiots access to people's social security numbers, dates of birth, and sensative financial information? I am glad I never had any debt.

[Zombie Axe]

I guess I am allergic to death... I hear it is fatal;)

Too bad on the hops and stuff:(

[kenno]

Whats worse than an STD? OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

I just discovered that I'm allergic to Hopps and Barley!

[Zombie Axe]

I can't stand it when someone calls me on my phone and I don't answer for whatever reason, and then they JUST GOT TO LEAVE ME A MESSAGE to tell me that they called!!!! It's the frickin' 21st century!!! I got caller ID for heavens sake.

The few moments that it takes to erase that voice mail icon on my phone is time I will NEVER get back!!!:mad:

I don't mind when you leave me a message that INFORMS me... but to leave a message that you called IS STUPID!!! :p:mad:;):rolleyes::D:(:eek:

[Rustyshakelford]

All my life I have been poor. I worked hard, put myself through college and had some miserable jobs, including cleaning out the pens at a local feedlot, unloading trucks at night at a walmart, fisherman for a commercial catfish boat, and other real nasty jobs. I always donated my time to charitable causes, usually doing the things that nobody else wanted to do, like mow lawns, or paint the church. Now, that I make 6 figures, I still do charity work, the nasty jobs, but now donate money too.

However, I am being called the "greedy Rich" and somehow, because I worked hard and made something of myself, I need to be punished. Instead of me deciding how the fruits of my labor can best benefit the charities I choose, the government knows best. They take money from me, a man who works, and give it to some welfare cow who spits out kids and needs money for smokes and beer.

There is my rant. The US is getting to be a socialist cesspool.

[kaya_kismet]

Mine - people who claim to be professionals in a corporate environment responding to my well thought-out emails using one sentence. In all lower case. With no punctuation and horrible grammar. I hate it.

[bug_out]

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