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I had a pure survivalist experience tonight.

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  • I had a pure survivalist experience tonight.

    I never thought I would have an experience that would be a pure survival experience, but tonight it actually happened, and I almost did not survive. I am relaying this information in hopes that people will not make the same mistakes I made.

    I do not like movie theatres. Crowds of unemployed trailer trash forced into a dark room, make me very nervous. However, I was convinced to go with the family to see the incredible life of some guy named Button.

    Everything started out ok. Stood in line behind a group of hormonaly imbalanced teens for about 15 minutes. Got my ticket. $24.00 for 3 tickets. Not happy. Then to the food line. Bottled water $4.50..crap. Another $28.00 in crap at the food bar. Really not happy.

    Got to the seat and sat down. The seats? Weeeeeelll, every sit on a 5 gallon pickle bucket too long and that raised ring turns your butt numb? That is comfortable compared to these seats. Ladies and Gents (and Big Saw) I did not have any problems with my back, prior to sitting in this seat. I am now typing this under the influence of codeine.

    The movie started. 30 minutes into the movie something was wrong in the theatre. I could see the person on the end of my aisle, and I knew there was a problem brewing. After 90 minutes into the movie, I knew for a fact that there was a problem, and I knew that something really bad was going to happen.

    The problem? They wheeled an old codger to the end of the aisle. He was friggin senile and then locked his chair down. The "pusher" sat in the first seat. This person was 400 lbs, at least!! And? I had to pee so bad and knew I could not squeeze out. However, 90 minutes past, and the movie could only last another 30 minutes. WRONG!!! This move lasted for 180 minutes (3 damn hours). I looked down and realized I had Big_Saw's emergency bracelet on. Ah Ha!!! I had 50 feet of paracord! Now, how can I use that to relieve my pressure. After 2 1/2 hours I could not figure a way to use the cord, but I started feeling the cord ahd thought I could strangle myself with the cord. The movie was sure unrelenting, horror in the form of boredom.

    Since I am here, I did not kill myself, but I had to pee so bad the family had to help me stand up and had to limp me to the bathroom. (I think I saw at least 2 people in there puking after having been forced by their wife/girlfriend to see this movie).

    The moral?

    1. Avoid movie theatres.
    2. Do not drink the 36 ounce bottle of Dasani in one downing before going to the theatre.
    3. Avoid morbidly obese theatre patrons, and old senile "roadblocks"
    4. Ask whomever forces you to go to the movie, how long it lasts. We all set limits on how much we drink, lest we puke. I suggest the same for movies. No more then 90 minutes.
    5. DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE. IT SUCKS.

    I gotta go puke and pee again. Hope you learned something.

  • #2
    Nope...didn't learn a thing I didn't already know. Mentioned it when I first joined the site and I'll mention it again......
    I hate movies....can't sit still that long.......bet I haven't seen 10 movies in my entire life. Waste of time. You know they're not real, right? The stuff is made up...fake I tell you...
    JUST CURIOUS? PRUNES ARE DEHYDRATED PLUMS. SO WHERE DOES PRUNE JUICE COME FROM?

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    • #3
      Originally posted by lazer128 View Post
      Nope...didn't learn a thing I didn't already know. Mentioned it when I first joined the site and I'll mention it again......
      I hate movies....can't sit still that long.......bet I haven't seen 10 movies in my entire life. Waste of time. You know they're not real, right? The stuff is made up...fake I tell you...
      what do you mean fake?? The last movie I saw was "Beverly Hills Chihuaha" Are you saying that little rat-dog didn't really save the day, and dogs don't really talk?
      "Be Excellent to Each Other"

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      • #4
        Hi Brosia! That's right! Fake! :D

        I have an eye for detail and see all the mistakes that slip thru. It drives me crazy. You know cars that crash and then in the next scene they're Ok? Parts of scenes filmed on different days or times and the shadows change position. Wardrobe messed up then fixed, then messed up.........

        CRAZY, eh? But I see it. Can't stand to watch 'em.
        JUST CURIOUS? PRUNES ARE DEHYDRATED PLUMS. SO WHERE DOES PRUNE JUICE COME FROM?

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        • #5
          that's hysterical

          you could have improvised a zipline ya know
          WHAT IF THE AMERICA YOU KNEW, WAS ABOUT TO CHANGE?

          The best thing you can do to support the site is pass it on to your friends and fav sites like other forums, facebook, twitter etc. Let people know about us! :)

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Diesel View Post
            that's hysterical

            you could have improvised a zipline ya know

            I could have made a hangmans noose. All because of this experience, I woke up with something I have not had in years. A darn Hangover.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by lazer128 View Post
              Nope...didn't learn a thing I didn't already know. Mentioned it when I first joined the site and I'll mention it again......
              I hate movies....can't sit still that long.......bet I haven't seen 10 movies in my entire life. Waste of time. You know they're not real, right? The stuff is made up...fake I tell you...

              You mean to tell me that Darth Vader really is not Lukes son? And that there is not a war of rebellion out amongst the stars? And that I have been giving money to the Paralized Storm Troopers Of Tatooine and they are not getting the money? Then who are the two guys with bicycles and name tags who come to my door and why am I giving them money?

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              • #8
                LOL.......... only $28 for 3? its $10to $12 a head where im from..... you should have tied the disani bottle to the cord thrown it over the rafters in the cieling then swung out of there like indiana jones!!!!...lol.... only in the movies right?
                proper preparedness prevents poor performance

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by ridgid1 View Post
                  LOL.......... only $28 for 3? its $10to $12 a head where im from..... you should have tied the disani bottle to the cord thrown it over the rafters in the cieling then swung out of there like indiana jones!!!!...lol.... only in the movies right?
                  Yep, I went to the movies by myself to see that Keanu Reeves movie (earth stood still, or something). $8.50 for a ticket. SMALL popcorn and drink were $11.00. It cost me $20 BY MYSELF!! No wonder nobody wants to go to the movies on a date anymore....

                  But I will experience Gran Torino on a big screen, probably tomorrow (if its still playing)...

                  ~Lo~
                  Classic Southern defense: "But your Honor, he just NEEDED killin!

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                  • #10
                    Rusty why didn't you relieve yourself into a popcorn bucket?

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                    • #11
                      Glad you made it Rusty! It wouldn't be the same around here without you!

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                      • #12
                        Rusty,

                        My deepest sympathies. Why the VCR, the DVD player and Web 2.0 haven't replaced movie theatres is a mystery to me.

                        Incidentally, life here lately got too busy for me to go and see Defiance in the theatres, so I'll rent and/or buy it on DVD.
                        "Apocalypse is by no means inevitable." --Jim Rice.

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                        • #13
                          I either get a video or use something like HULU or even watch a streaming movie online with the wife and kids, but I learned that one a ways back.
                          I cant afford the cost to go be offended by hollywood with my whole fam anyway.
                          $28: 3=$9.33
                          $9.33x9=$83.97 for my family unless there is group discounts, lol

                          So Glad you lived thru it to tell us about it.

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