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I never thought I would have an experience that would be a pure survival experience, but tonight it actually happened, and I almost did not survive. I am relaying this information in hopes that people will not make the same mistakes I made.
I do not like movie theatres. Crowds of unemployed trailer trash forced into a dark room, make me very nervous. However, I was convinced to go with the family to see the incredible life of some guy named Button.
Everything started out ok. Stood in line behind a group of hormonaly imbalanced teens for about 15 minutes. Got my ticket. $24.00 for 3 tickets. Not happy. Then to the food line. Bottled water $4.50..crap. Another $28.00 in crap at the food bar. Really not happy.
Got to the seat and sat down. The seats? Weeeeeelll, every sit on a 5 gallon pickle bucket too long and that raised ring turns your butt numb? That is comfortable compared to these seats. Ladies and Gents (and Big Saw) I did not have any problems with my back, prior to sitting in this seat. I am now typing this under the influence of codeine.
The movie started. 30 minutes into the movie something was wrong in the theatre. I could see the person on the end of my aisle, and I knew there was a problem brewing. After 90 minutes into the movie, I knew for a fact that there was a problem, and I knew that something really bad was going to happen.
The problem? They wheeled an old codger to the end of the aisle. He was friggin senile and then locked his chair down. The "pusher" sat in the first seat. This person was 400 lbs, at least!! And? I had to pee so bad and knew I could not squeeze out. However, 90 minutes past, and the movie could only last another 30 minutes. WRONG!!! This move lasted for 180 minutes (3 damn hours). I looked down and realized I had Big_Saw's emergency bracelet on. Ah Ha!!! I had 50 feet of paracord! Now, how can I use that to relieve my pressure. After 2 1/2 hours I could not figure a way to use the cord, but I started feeling the cord ahd thought I could strangle myself with the cord. The movie was sure unrelenting, horror in the form of boredom.
Since I am here, I did not kill myself, but I had to pee so bad the family had to help me stand up and had to limp me to the bathroom. (I think I saw at least 2 people in there puking after having been forced by their wife/girlfriend to see this movie).
The moral?
1. Avoid movie theatres.
2. Do not drink the 36 ounce bottle of Dasani in one downing before going to the theatre.
3. Avoid morbidly obese theatre patrons, and old senile "roadblocks"
4. Ask whomever forces you to go to the movie, how long it lasts. We all set limits on how much we drink, lest we puke. I suggest the same for movies. No more then 90 minutes.
5. DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE. IT SUCKS.
I gotta go puke and pee again. Hope you learned something.
I do not like movie theatres. Crowds of unemployed trailer trash forced into a dark room, make me very nervous. However, I was convinced to go with the family to see the incredible life of some guy named Button.
Everything started out ok. Stood in line behind a group of hormonaly imbalanced teens for about 15 minutes. Got my ticket. $24.00 for 3 tickets. Not happy. Then to the food line. Bottled water $4.50..crap. Another $28.00 in crap at the food bar. Really not happy.
Got to the seat and sat down. The seats? Weeeeeelll, every sit on a 5 gallon pickle bucket too long and that raised ring turns your butt numb? That is comfortable compared to these seats. Ladies and Gents (and Big Saw) I did not have any problems with my back, prior to sitting in this seat. I am now typing this under the influence of codeine.
The movie started. 30 minutes into the movie something was wrong in the theatre. I could see the person on the end of my aisle, and I knew there was a problem brewing. After 90 minutes into the movie, I knew for a fact that there was a problem, and I knew that something really bad was going to happen.
The problem? They wheeled an old codger to the end of the aisle. He was friggin senile and then locked his chair down. The "pusher" sat in the first seat. This person was 400 lbs, at least!! And? I had to pee so bad and knew I could not squeeze out. However, 90 minutes past, and the movie could only last another 30 minutes. WRONG!!! This move lasted for 180 minutes (3 damn hours). I looked down and realized I had Big_Saw's emergency bracelet on. Ah Ha!!! I had 50 feet of paracord! Now, how can I use that to relieve my pressure. After 2 1/2 hours I could not figure a way to use the cord, but I started feeling the cord ahd thought I could strangle myself with the cord. The movie was sure unrelenting, horror in the form of boredom.
Since I am here, I did not kill myself, but I had to pee so bad the family had to help me stand up and had to limp me to the bathroom. (I think I saw at least 2 people in there puking after having been forced by their wife/girlfriend to see this movie).
The moral?
1. Avoid movie theatres.
2. Do not drink the 36 ounce bottle of Dasani in one downing before going to the theatre.
3. Avoid morbidly obese theatre patrons, and old senile "roadblocks"
4. Ask whomever forces you to go to the movie, how long it lasts. We all set limits on how much we drink, lest we puke. I suggest the same for movies. No more then 90 minutes.
5. DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE. IT SUCKS.
I gotta go puke and pee again. Hope you learned something.
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