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Corny Golf Jokes, please don't stone me.

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  • #1

    Corny Golf Jokes, please don't stone me.

    A lawyer was out golfing last Sunday at my golf course. Another golf on a parallel hole accidently sliced one over and hit the lawyer. The lawyer got pretty pissed and when the slicer drove up to apologize he yelled, "I can't believe you just attacked me with a golf ball. I'm going to take you to court and sue you for six million dollars!" The slicer was shocked and replied, "But I yelled fore." The lawyer quickly said, "I'll take it." BadumdumpTssh

    I saw a guy down on the first tee yesterday hitting from the ladies tees. I got on the PA system and said, "Sir, you need to get off the ladies tees and over to the men's tees please." He didn't seem to notice me, and since I don't speak loud as it is, I turned up the PA and said the same thing again. This time he looked back up at me but then got over the ball again. This time I figured I needed to drive down there before he teed off and got too far on the course. I get down there just as he hits the ball. I tell him, "Sir, I apologize for the mix up but I need you to tee off from the men's tees for the rest of your round." He looked over at me and said, "Leave me alone dammit that was my second shot!"

    Now go plant that for your winter rations.
    Perfer et obdura; dolor hic tibi proderit olim.
    ~ Be patient and tough; some day this pain will be useful to you.-Ovid

    Mus uni non fidit antro.
    ~ A mouse does not rely on just one hole.-Plautus

    Non semper erit aestas
    ~ It will not always be summer.
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  • #2
    Yikes, I believe that 2nd golfer story was about me....

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    • #3
      Originally posted by HileTroy View Post
      Yikes, I believe that 2nd golfer story was about me....
      It happens.
      Perfer et obdura; dolor hic tibi proderit olim.
      ~ Be patient and tough; some day this pain will be useful to you.-Ovid

      Mus uni non fidit antro.
      ~ A mouse does not rely on just one hole.-Plautus

      Non semper erit aestas
      ~ It will not always be summer.

      Comment

      • #4
        I don't get it...

        But then I never played golf.

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        • #5
          Heaven

          Bill, Al and Barrack all arrive at the Pearly Gate.

          G_d, sitting on the big throne, looks them over and says, "So. Bill. Why do you think should you be here?"

          Bill says, "I'm think I'm not perfect, but I'm a forgiving person, I never held a grudge."

          G_d says, "You were a forgiving person. Sit here, on my left."

          G_d looks at Al and says, "Al? What do you think? Why should you be here?"

          Al says, "I think that I never killed anyone and I loved your earth."

          G_d says, "You did. Sit here, on my right."

          G_d looks at Barrack and says, "Barrack? What do you think? Why should you be here?"

          Barrack looks at G_d and says, "I think you are sitting in my chair."
          "If Howdy Doody runs against him, I'm voting for the puppet." - SkyOwl's Wife, 2012

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