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Stimulus payment info

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  • Stimulus payment info

    Stimulus Payment Info

    This year, taxpayers will receive an additional Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format:

    Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
    A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

    Q. Where will the government get this money?
    A. From taxpayers.

    Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
    A. Only a smidgen.

    Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
    A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

    Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
    A. Shut up.

    Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely: If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China.
    If you spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs.
    If you purchase a computer it will go to India.
    If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala (unless you buy organic).
    If you buy a car it will go to Japan.
    If you purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan.

    And none of it will help the American economy.
    We need to keep that money here in America. You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spend it on prostitutes, beer and wine (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the US.
    Classic Southern defense: "But your Honor, he just NEEDED killin!

  • #2
    Anhieser-Busch sold out too.....ahh,but the YARD SALE is the last of the great American enterprises.....Drink more COORS!!:)


    • #3
      Just keep burning the oil, and using the plastics, then everything will OK in my world.


      • #4
        The passage of the stimulus package will be a big test for you. You just got "screw..." at the cost of almost a trillion dollars and you can't have a cigarette afterwards.


        • #5
          actually, you CAN have a cig just won't feel as satisfying and it will cost your 92 cents more than it did last week.:p


          • #6
            Sorry, I was trying to give Rusty a hard time-he's giving them up.