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New Law

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  • New Law

    On Monday, January 12, lawmakers passed a law that makes it illegal to complain. Flox News anchor Marley Doubtperson covered the story:

    "Here at the Congressional Hall, absolutely nobody is standing around with picket signs in the wake of a new law which has already imprisoned hundreds of people."
    "At a New York restaurant, today, Emma Loafterd, 76, had ordered a bowl of soup which was served to her cold. After informing the waitstaff of the problem, the police promptly escorted her out of the restaurant, and into the back of a patrol car. We've interviewed Emma, and this is what she had to say."
    -"I just wanted a nice hot bowl of soup, and I had no idea about a new 'no complaining' law. If I had, I surely would have eaten my soup cold."-

    "Thousands of people have been arrested in the Metropolitan area for complaining, including one 26-year-old Marcus Breether who was assaulted, beat up, stabbed, mugged, and thrown into a dumpster when he approached police to inform them of the problem. His statement was simple:"
    -"It's become a felony to complain about anything anymore. We can't even go to the police for help because even they have to follow the new law."

    "Police chief Zan Mardonbleu said today, 'I'm absolutely happy about everything, and as positive as I can be. This is a great country we live in.' He was promptly arrested shortly thereafter when he commented that his coffee was a day old."

    "This has been Marley Doubtperson for Flox News".
    "Reject the basic assumptions of civilization, especially the importance of material possessions." "The things you own end up owning you"-Tyler Durden